Category Archive

A Valentine’s Day observation courtesy of Rowlf and Kermit.

You can’t live with ‘em, you can’t live without ‘em
There’s somethin’ irresistible-ish about ‘em
We grin and bear it ’cause the nights are long
I hope that somethin’ better comes along

From the afterward in The Calvin and Hobbes Lazy Sunday Book (1989):

Long ago the Sunday comics were printed the size of an entire newspaper page. Each comic was like a color poster. Not surprisingly, with all that space to fill, cartoonists produced works of incredible beauty and power that we just don’t see anymore, now that strips are a third or a quarter of their former size… All the things that make comics fun to read–the stories, the dialogue, the pictures–have gotten simpler and simpler in order to keep the work legible at smaller and smaller sizes. The art form has been in a process of retrograde evolution for decades. For those of us trying to return some of the childhood fun we had marveling at comic drawings, the opportunities today are discouraging.

I like to think that Bill Watterson is pleasantly surprised with the flourishing success of web-based comics. The economies of newspapers may have drained comics of their original unrestricted creativity, but the free expression of the Internet provides an outlet for even the most underrepresented comic artist to showcase the full extent of their work. The full-featured Sunday comics of Watterson’s youth may never make a resurgence, yet I think the movement toward online consumerism will revive the spirit of Watterson’s vision in a way almost unthinkable when he wrote those words nearly twenty years ago.

This place is magical.

Dear Friends / Family,

It’s that time of year again! What a wonderful year it has been for all of us. The whole family has had a great year, full of memories and adventure. Where should we begin to recount how very blessed we have been? We have never done a Christmas letter before, but fortunately there are letter-writing tools available for people like us.

To start off, ______Deb___________ has been very involved in:
     ___ the mafia as a money launderer
     ___ restoring peace to Iraq
     _X_ starting a homeless shelter for abandoned and battered cats
     _X_ playing extreme Scrabble
     ___ empathizing with the warming globe
     _X_ scratch and sniff lottery, but not for the money

Meanwhile, in ___Pennsylvania_____, ______Jacob_________ has been pursing:
     ___ world conquest
     ___ perfecting sleek and discreet flossing technique
     _X_ an enriching career in hydrotherapy
     _X_ rehabilitation of glue-sniffing ants
     ___ moderate success in minimal endeavors occasionally
     ___ study at the Palestinian glass-blowing institute

And last, but certainly not least, _______Luke_________ has enjoyed living in _Scotland & Minnesota_ while succeeding in:
     _X_ teaching mute people how to walk
     ___ further developing fungus taxonomy
     _X_ acquiring a wide variety of superpowers including, but not limited to:
          ___ infrared vision
          ___ super strength
          ___ the ability to melt
          _X_ an uncanny ability to talk to fish, although they don’t usually talk
                 back
     ___ continued development of Opti-Grab™ technology
     ___ being macho
     _X_ selling glue to ants

In short, we could not have possibly asked for a better year. Some people wish for a perfect life; we lived it, and we are so blessed. We could go on, but we are sure your lives are so much fuller than ours—and so busy too. We only wish that we could have shared each special moment with every one of you.

Sincerely / Love / Affectionately / Yours,

_______Deb__________     _______Jacob________     _______Luke_________

In a culture where we constantly reinforce the faith-based belief in parentism–the notion that parents are the source of Christmas presents–thankfully this season External Delivery The Future presents a critical examination of this debate, the problems with parentism, and the scientific validity of external delivery theory.

Is External Delivery the same as Santa Clausism?

No. The theory of external delivery is only concerned with empirically testing whether Christmas presents are delivered by an external agent, or an internal agent such as your parents. Santa Clausism typically starts with the premise that Santa Claus is delivering presents, and then seeks to fit the evidence to that theory. The theory of external delivery has developed strictly from objective interpretations of the empirical evidence.

(Thanks to Exploring Our Matrix for bringing this to attention.)

One of my favorite jokes, I figured it should be immortalized here.

At some point in the future, humanity’s exploitation of Earth’s resources renders the planet completely devoid of any materials. The moon does not last long either, so the next logical choice is Mars.

A Mars exploratory team is driving around the surface, searching for new mineral deposits, promising geologic features, and even signs of past life. As they turn a corner around a hill, the team gasps in amazement at what they see: in front of them is a tremendous, colossal, 50-story statue of a human-like figure sitting down. And even more amazing is that every single test they run on the statue indicates it is alive–yet the figure appears no more than a stone sculpture. All the great minds of the world begin to search for a solution to this paradox, but no successful theory emerges.

One day, a young post-doc is pacing back and forth beneath the statue when he breaks down: “How can something like this exist? It just doesn’t make sense!” The moment he speaks those words, the sky darkens, the wind begins to howl, and the statue slowly stands up, looking down at the post-doc. In a thundery, booming voice the statue says, “It can’t exist. It’s impossible!” “Oh, of course,” says the post-doc. “It only stands to reason.”